Potty Training The Domestically Challenged Way

So, I have this daughter who is three and who has up until now shown absolutely no interest in potty training. I have endured countless people (including relatives) asking about the status of her training, how often she sat on the potty and other very intimate and annoying questions.

Because of this, I made the executive decision that I would begin the process without her prior approval. Gutsy, eh?

Undergoing a process such as this requires adequate preparation and the mindset of William Hung before an American Idol tryout.

Step 1: Load up on bribes, props and anything else that may remotely help in the process. For me, this meant heading to my local Target and getting the following:

" Another toilet seat. Yes, we already had a little potty, but what if she didn't like it? I bought a Dora seat that fits on the regular toilet for further incentive. I know she could sit on the big potty as is, but after an unfortunate accident that involved her going bottom first into the bowl, that isn't an option at the moment.

" Underwear. I bought two more packs to supplement the pack I bought 8 months ago thinking I could use them to help the process. We added Tinkerbell and Strawberry Shortcake to the arsenal.

" Candy bribe. The only reason I needed this is because a friend of ours told my daughter that she could have M&M's when she went on the potty. Great.

" Toy bribe. We then spent an hour scouring the toy aisle to find the perfect toy that would entice a movement. She chose a large Cinderella doll with lots of individual pieces that can be used for a bribe.

Step 2: Prepare everything. I washed the underwear for the first of many times. I put the toy where she could see it and want it, but couldn't have it. I put the candy propped up on the counter - again the visual element is key here. I put the Dora seat on the big potty (much to my son's dismay). I even put the little potty where she could sit on it and watch TV.

Step 3: Make the switch. I let her choose the first of many underwear of the day. The key is to hype up the underwear that you don't care for that much, so that when there is an accident, those are the first to get washed.

Step 4: Get a good night's sleep. When my son was potty training, he was done in two days and rarely had an accident. Not so much with my daughter. Be prepared to chase the kid all over the house, while lugging the potty, the bribes, wipes and towels.

Step 5: Make sure you have a drink handy (alcohol optional, but recommended). At this point, you're ready to go. I put my daughter in a fresh pair of underwear and off she went, with me trailing with potty in tow. I have asked her if she needs to go potty more than a teenager asks for money. I have cleaned up accidents (she likes to pee back by her brothers room - I'm sure there's a message there) and fought the urge to get upset, even when she has an accident right after getting off the potty.

I know it will be worth it, but this is SO not fun. In my next column, I will report back, minus the gory details, and let you know if I was able to endure the endless potty chasing and floor cleaning, or if I caved. Wish me luck!

Alana Morales taught high school English for six years before staying home with her two children and becoming a freelance writer. She is a co-host on the online radio show Mom Writer's Talk Radio (www.MomWritersTalkRadio.com). Her first book, Domestically Challenged, was released in May. You can order her book at Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com and www.AlanaMorales.com. If you are looking for something to do in the meantime, you can read her blog at www.DCTheBlog.com.